just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
