I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
