I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
