i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
