Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
