I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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