Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
