didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
