Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
