I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
