moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
