we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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