she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
