well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
