I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
