I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
