she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
