walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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