We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
