i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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