Is it because I queefed?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
