I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
