I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
