dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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