Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
