I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
