You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
