I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
