dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
