just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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