I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
