mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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