20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
