I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
