Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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