your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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