my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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