This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
