he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
