That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
