I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
