i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
