I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
