The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
