Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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