I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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