guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The Olympian is in my bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
