ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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