So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
