We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
