ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
