So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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