Pants 0. Shit 1.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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