he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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