I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
how does that bad decision feel?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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