this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
