i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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