I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
