You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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