it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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