Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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