plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do herpes really smell.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
