2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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