Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's shark week go big or go home
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
