I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
